“Blame is a Defense Against Powerlessness
Betrayal trauma changes you. You have endured a life-altering shock, and are likely living with PTSD symptoms— hypervigilance, flashbacks and bewilderment—with broken trust, with the inability to cope with many situations, and with the complete shut down of parts of your mind, including your ability to focus and regulate your emotions.
Nevertheless, if you are unable to recognize the higher purpose in your pain, to forgive and forget and move on, you clearly have chosen to be addicted to your pain and must enjoy playing the victim.
And the worst is, we are only too ready to agree with this assessment! Trauma victims commonly blame themselves. Blaming oneself for the shame of being a victim is recognized by trauma specialists as a defense against the extreme powerlessness we feel in the wake of a traumatic event. Self-blame continues the illusion of control shock destroys, but prevents us from the necessary working through of the traumatic feelings and memories to heal and recover.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis
Are you being used as a flying monkey for a narcissist?
I know those “flying monkeys” now. I have lived so much of my life not understanding what was going on around me. Why am I being run down, abused, lied about, ignored, isolated, used as scapegoat to find out “all” the truth now in my middle age+ time of my life. I feel like my life has been wasted and used by these evil people, the narcissists of my family and extended family who elicited the support of the weak and vulnerable, like my mother, to bid their will. In the last 5 years of my mother’s life we figured it all out and it pissed of Dr. James and his little gang of “flying monkeys”.
“Attitude Is Everything
We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. In New Age crowds here on the West Coast, where your attitude is considered the sole determinant of the impact an event has on you, it gets even worse.In these New Thought circles, no matter what happens to you, it is assumed that you have created your own reality. Not only have you chosen the event, no matter how horrible, for your personal growth. You also chose how you interpret what happened—as if there are no interpersonal facts, only interpretations.
The upshot of this perspective is that your suffering would vanish if only you adopted a more evolved perspective and stopped feeling aggrieved. I was often kindly reminded (and believed it myself), “there are no victims.” How can you be a victim when you are responsible for your circumstances?
When you most need validation and support to get through the worst pain of your life, to be confronted with the well-meaning, but quasi-religious fervor of these insidious half-truths can be deeply demoralizing. This kind of advice feeds guilt and shame, inhibits grieving, encourages grandiosity and can drive you to be alone to shield your vulnerability.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis
I have had issues with my “immune system” for a lot of my life.Not surprising.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1) Gossip Be more mindful. I do not consider myself a seeker or speaker of gossip as a characteristic of mine. But then again I think we all find ways of justifying our talk about others. My New Years Resolution is to be more mindful and alert to what comes out of my mouth and who may be paying the price for my words.- That doesn’t include politicians or cases of SELF-DEFENSE ie HOUSTON versus HOUSTON.
2) Take one day at a time – Pace myself, deal with what is in front of me now, don’t miss the moment it’s less overwhelming and more manageable.
3) Do one good deed a day, and not tell anyone about it
I actually have been doing this for quite a long time but I want to do more. And I don’t have a habit of telling people either. But there is always room for improvement.