“Never, never be afraid to do what’s right. especially if the well-being of another, or animal, is at stake. Societies punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” Martin Luther King.
I make my “life” on SPEAKING UP for those who can’t speak for themselves. I channel my emotions into holding someone’s hand who is not able mentally or emotionally to protect themselves. It takes a huge toll on me. But, I am unable to look the other way. On the rare occasion when I have walked away I have been racked with shame. Just one more emotion for me to deal with.
I don’t like showing my feelings to people who don’t value them. I am a very emotional person. Nothing I write can compare to what is in my mind. I notice when I am wrong and will admit it and do everything I can to put it right. I have biases but am conscious of the destructiveness and work diligently to eradicate them. I have huge gratitude for a kind word, a penny in my pocket, food on my table, and all the opportunities and people who have uplifted me. I like to keep my emotions in perspective and use reason and logic to keep me in balance. I don’t ignore my emotions but often times keep them to myself. I am a highly empathic person but it will derail me if I don’t contain them, so I hide until I am in a safe place. I was abused, raped, molested and deserted very young and learnt that showing my feelings made me too vulnerable on the streets so I didn’t. I learnt when I showed my feelings to my family I just got hurt more, so I stopped doing it. The older I have gotten and the more I have learnt the more I have realized how little I know. I reject arrogance and prefer to remain humble in my heart. It does not always show. Sometimes I have hidden for long periods of time and have been judged and misunderstood for doing that, in fact have been accused of being non-feeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. My feelings bring me a lot of pain but I do not ignore them. I channel my pain into SPEAKING UP for others and listening to their pain, holding their hand and looking into their eyes – they know I have been there. For those who think I am unfeeling are just reflecting their own inability to connect to themselves. My challenge is to speak my pain; that is why I have taken to the internet.
“If truth is what you seek, then the examined life will only take you on a long ride to the limits of solitude and leave you by the side of the road with your truth and nothing else.” – Thomas Liggoti
“A philosopher is a lover of wisdom. It takes tremendous discipline, it takes tremendous courage to think for yourself, to examine yourself. The Socratic imperative of examining yourself requires courage. You know, William Butler Yeats used to say “it takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on the battlefield.” Courage to think critically” – Cornel West
“I can tell you, an examined life is definitely no picnic, however, I don’t know how one gets through life without close inspection” – Louise Fowler
This is what I am doing and will put some focus on this issue over time as I come to understand how to do this. It is uncomfortable, Detoxing your mind and body is removing everything in your life that doesn’t serve you.. I have tried this before to quit because it was quite frankly hard. I don’t know that it should be after all if my house gets messy and dirty, I clean it. Actually I am clean and tidy so I work it as I go along. That is how I want the rest of my life to be. If you left your house and it got out of control it would take time and effort to put it all in order.
I have been working on acknowledging my past and putting that into clarity and perspective so I am not further bogged down with stuff I can no longer changer. Having said that I believe that you can’t make changes if you don’t know what you are changing.
Taking a look at the lessons you have learnt from your past is far more constructive i feel and it helps you build a future on something constructive. I have learnt forgiveness and gratitude. These are my building blocks to a revitalized me in the months and years to come.