I am in the beginning stages of looking for funding, script writers and contacts with the intent of having a movie made of my life story
More to come……..
Abuse
They had me pegged, my family and the HOUSTON CLAN before even getting to know me to justify what they intended to do so they didn’t have to look at themselves.
I have talked about them. But, now I will talk about me.
I never found a home and never found comfort in an identity that was not molded by perpetrators, the ones that did me harm and the ones that turned their backs on the “lost and forgotten child”. I have flipped through my life like the pages in a book, trying to make sense of it. To uncover the secrets that have gone buried in shame and hidden even from myself for so long. Asking myself over and over what does this all mean.
I know how my story ends but the question for me has been “how did it happen; how did I get here?” For so long I got immersed in the jumble of words like “Louise, what is the matter with you. don’t play victim, get on with it, leave the past behind you, you are too sensitive.”
What kind of story is mine – a lost and forgotten child, the one that everyone told me I was – lazy, stupid, a problem. Am I just a pathetic character who is just a victim to my own stupidity? Or is there something else going on here. I have flipped back and forth through time looking for the clues to why my journey took me down a certain path and shattered me into little pieces. A path of loneliness, loss, poverty and victimization. Oh, I know my pictures of me tell you a different story. But what you don’t see is the pain just beneath the surface. The part of me that hides and only shows it’s face when I can give you what you want to see, or the face I need you to see. The perfect picture, the one that I got so good at looking “right”. I hid the broken and sick me. You don’t want to see the pain that left me with scars from abuse, molestation, poverty and isolation. I fear now it’s too late for me, my life is over. There is no time left to repair the damage done.
No one asked me, “Louise what do you want to be when you grow-up”, no one directed me to become the best I could be. I never got my balance and only focused on my flaws which of course had me spinning in circles. The fire that barely flickered over the years is now dimming. I am who I am, for better or worse. It’s too late to wonder about the person I will become. I have told the world about who I am, but it doesn’t matter any more because everyone had already made up their minds. Their agenda was to discredit me, shut me up and close me down. GASLIGHTING was what it was. Protecting the agenda of those who needed to keep their squeaky-clean reputations, of being the do-gooders, the stellar members of society, the perpetrators/abusers behind the masks. They don’t want you speaking their dirty little secrets. You see the people who have hurt me know I saw through them, I know who they are. I have had too much experience with the likes of them to not see behind their masks and it scared them.
I became someone I didn’t know either to keep others happy and safe and when I couldn’t pretend I hid. Now and then I said, “Enough is Enough”, hence this blog because there is just so much a person can take. I would rock the boat from time to time and then slither back into silence which just fed into their ignorance of who I am, it gave them fuel to say, “look I told you so, she is an evil one”. They them scrambled to make sure no one believed me. Of course they had a platform, a voice to be heard and I did not. They won. I can’t. I’m done.
I have read so many peoples blogs over the last couple of years and know there are so many people like me. People who got used and abused and had no voice. The internet came along and gave us one. But oh there are so many mean ones out there too who would like to shut us down. Don’t show us who we are, don’t let the world see how mean we can be. We will take you, abuse you and shut you up and knock you down. Be quiet Louise, and all the Louise’s out there.
But, we wont. We write our blogs for us. We need a voice, we need to have our words heard and the rest of you can shut up or don’t read.
It’s too late for me. But I say to all the VICTIMS of the mean and abusive people keep talking.
What happens to a person when they are used to dehumanize them to further their own agenda? What happens when you use your money and power to eviscerate a person to further your position of dominance and to gain access to something that does not belong to you? What happens when people misuse their privilege in life to discredit someone because they are in the way of their greedy agenda? What happens to a person that is “shamed and humiliated” by their family and extended family? A family of privilege. A family that got everything they wanted in life, but it wasn’t enough. So they had to take the one person, the outsider, the poor and uneducated one, the one who was left behind because she could not serve them anymore, and break her down till there was almost nothing left. What happens to a person that has been molested by 3 family members, left to rot on the streets and out in a mean world at age 13 to fend for herself because of abuse and neglect in the home. But now has to endure the mean-spirited, ignorant and greedy conduct of a group of shallow minded privileged people. The one person that did not have the money or power to defend herself was the one they picked on and left for dead. The one person who has never ever done anything to them. Isn’t that odd.
You know what kind of people do things like this, a doctor – Dr. James Houston, and his silly wife Louise, a cop – Inspector Clark Russell, nurse – Shelaigh Russell, a contractor – Tony Houston, his crazy wife – Lorene (she belongs in a home somewhere something is wrong with her), Diana Shirling and George – too rich to work I think. And my direct family members Tony Fowler and Susan Stroud who both molested me. Philip King Jones who screwed around on his wife all their married life. All sitting in judgement of me. All seem to have something to say about me. The one person they had never really had a conversation with of any meaning substance and consequence. Not at any point – ever – have they showed one ounce of compassion and kindness to me. Maybe because you sensed I would lash back and you wanted to make sure I couldn’t. Well you were mistaken.
I will tell you what happens because I was the one that was attached by a family and extended family of ignorant, but well-educated and placed, people. People who used the excuse of someone else, Dr. Bob Houston, who was also vulnerable and unable to defend himself, to justify their ignorance and greed.Trying to turn this sweet old man against his beloved wife. When he wouldn’t what did they do – they lied.
This is what this blog is all about. It will tell you how people in high places will pull out all the stops to take away from a little old lady and her vulnerable daughter and stomp on them until the old lady is dead with their lies and accusations. Killing herself because of what they did to her and her daughter. It will tell you what these ignorant and shallow people did to me to make themselves feel better and line their full pockets with more money. Check out HOUSTON VERSUS HOUSTON (on-line) and the documents will show you exactly how much money they have.
HOUSTON CLAN do you feel good about yourselves? Can you live with yourselves?
I have shown everyone’s pictures down the side of this blog because they need to put their face to support their behavior. If they are proud of themselves they wont mind now will they. If you are too ashamed to have your face behind your actions you should have thought about that before.
I put my face on my site to make sure you all see who I am. I am not ashamed. I expose everything so you can know who I am. I am not the one who needs to feel shame.
yes, I know…..
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
Gaslighting is the attempt of one person to overwrite another person’s reality.
“Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting his or her own memory and perceptions. Gaslighting is an insidious form of abuse. It makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of anything. Gaslighting makes it very likely that victims will believe whatever their abusers tell them regardless as to their own experience of the situation. Gaslighting often precedes other types of emotional and physical abuse because the victim of gaslighting is more likely to remain in other abusive situations as well.
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 British play “Gas Light” wherein a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy using a variety of tricks causing her to question her own perceptions and sanity. Gas Light was made into a movie both in 1940 and 1944.” from Healthy Place.
The amount of shaming and humiliation I have gone through in my life as a result of narcissists and other ignorant people blaming me for the crimes perpetrated on me is shocking. The piling up of abuse to shut the victim up is beyond my comprehension.
“Blame is a Defense Against Powerlessness
Betrayal trauma changes you. You have endured a life-altering shock, and are likely living with PTSD symptoms— hypervigilance, flashbacks and bewilderment—with broken trust, with the inability to cope with many situations, and with the complete shut down of parts of your mind, including your ability to focus and regulate your emotions.
Nevertheless, if you are unable to recognize the higher purpose in your pain, to forgive and forget and move on, you clearly have chosen to be addicted to your pain and must enjoy playing the victim.
And the worst is, we are only too ready to agree with this assessment! Trauma victims commonly blame themselves. Blaming oneself for the shame of being a victim is recognized by trauma specialists as a defense against the extreme powerlessness we feel in the wake of a traumatic event. Self-blame continues the illusion of control shock destroys, but prevents us from the necessary working through of the traumatic feelings and memories to heal and recover.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis
