On Taking Sides
A number of friends, in the past, have also know some of my family, mostly my father, My father was a “Trump” figure to me, charming, loud, controlling, pathological lair and mean. I didn’t talk about the abuse I have experienced until, mostly, a couple of years ago. Perpetrators are good at keeping their victims quiet. One of the things they do is befriend your friends, as my father did. He would call them and say he was so worried about me he didn’t know what to do and generally make me look like something I was not.
Any expert in “Domestic Violence” should know that the “victim” is complicit in protecting the perpetrators through fear. All victims of domestic violence hopes their friends will see what you are going through. But my friends either didn’t or closed their eyes – willful ignorance.
I believe that when people do know that someone is being abused (or has) they need to made a choice you or the perpetrator. To remain friendly with both further victimizes the victim.
I always wondered what people where thinking knowing I left home at age 13. Is that normal. I don’t think. Why did not one single “friend” ask me why I left? I suppose my father had convinced them that I was delinquent in some way.
What I want to say to these “friends”, I feel betrayed by you. I feel let down that you felt being friends with my father was okay. It was not.This action of yours further isolated me, took away from any support and safety, I felt devalued by you and that is your explanation why I am no longer in contact with you. You wouldn’t make your choice but I am taking it now.