The 3 things that parents need to provide for a healthy family is NURTURING, GUIDANCE and PROVISION (protection). If you have parents that cannot provide these things we have what is called a DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.
I came from a dysfunctional family. I was not provided any of the above. My father, “Bill” W. A. Fowler, was a narcissist. An aggressive pompous man who was one minute the “nice guy” the next minute the “angry, mean and sick” man who had no idea how to be a father or husband. He cheated on my mother many times. My mother, Angela, hid in her bed a good deal of the time and cried because she had no clue how to deal with this and didn’t. Her helplessness around my father and her sociopathic son was dumped in my lap. My brother, the sociopath (in my opinion) was distant, uninvolved and uncaring. I, Louise, the youngest was the scapegoat and lost child. My mother not knowing how to be a mother herself reversed the role and I became mother to her. When I was living at home and long long after I left she burdened me with her pain and confusion around my father’s behavior and the inability of my mother and brother to bond. We didn’t have the words in those days to explain what was happening to us and people didn’t speak about these things. But my mother had to off-load her grief and pain somewhere and I was it.
I hardly remember any time I was with my mother where she was not crying about my father and my brother. It didn’t occur to her that I had any issues or pain as a result of my father’s and brother’s behavior towards me. She said many times that she had no idea what my father was doing to me or my brother. She was so absorbed in her own pain I felt forgotten. When I tried to tell her what was happening to me she seemed to shut it down and not hear me. Many years later to said she didn’t know.
I have read that there tends to be 4 roles children play in a family dynamic. HERO the one who strives to do everything right to compensate.No one in my family like that. The CLOWN is the one who makes a joke out of everything to cover up the pain in the family. No one in my family like that. Then there is the SCAPEGOAT who gets blamed for everything and picked on to cover up the dysfunction of the rest of the family. And lastly, the LOST CHILD who is invisible, the throw away child.
I believe I was two of them THE SCAPEGOAT AND THE LOST CHILD. And what role did my brother plan – The SOCIOPATH. I don’t know what else he was or is.
This dynamic has played out all my life with my family and then moved on to the extended family. Of course this is not surprising in that my mother, not being able to look at or accept the truth, passed on “her” desire to cover up her inability to be a mother to her new family.She betrayed me, once again.Perpetuating old roles, making me the SCAPEGOAT once again, n the eyes of the HOUSTON CLAN.
Well, the HOUSTON CLAN, the doctor, the cop, the nurse and the contractor bought it hook like and sinker You would think a doctor and a cop who works in “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” would know better. They do know better, but they are not nice people. They used me to gain access to my mother’s money. Once again I was the SCAPEGOAT.