Sometimes to heal a relationship one has to willfully “forget”.
After a long time of estrangement with my mother I decided that it was time for us to come together and live as mother and daughter.
I new my mother was not able to see the truth. She was not a woman to do much self reflection. It was too painful for her. Therefore, I felt it was incumbent upon me to step up and look past old wounds and create a new relationship with her. That meant I made a conscious and willful decision to ignore the past and just live in the moment with her. I had done quite a bit of self reflection and decided that pointing fingers at her and blaming her at this stage was not in either of our best interest. I stepped back into her life and focused all my attention on her needs. She was a needy woman and simple like a child in many ways. Giving her all the attention and ignoring her poor parental skills was the only way we were going to have any peace. I never at any time brought up the subject of our family life. She of course did, as I new she would, I just listened. It stayed like that until her death.
To me “forgiveness” is about doing what is right and in the best interest of the parties involved. This enabled us to be in each others presence and find peace in it.
My mother and I earned our relationship and how to forgive. I am very grateful that she died with me by her side. I believe she was relieved that it was me who was taking care of her and she new how much I loved her.