Don’t be deceived by people’s titles (such as Doctor, Cop, CEO etc) how much money they have, where they live, what kind of car they drive, what they are wearing and who they pretend to be. Many of us get good at presenting something we are not. Sometimes people play pretend because they are narcissists and don’t care. Sometimes it’s because they are ruthless, greedy and mean. Often times we pretend as a survival technique. That is the case with me. I have a learning disability, only have grade 8 education, difficulty writing as a result and have always been scared of being found out, I have CPTSD and am really a very traumatized person, but I have used what I have. I can put on a smile, dress myself up, put some make-up on, and many people see and experience me as being a person in control and together. I succeeded in the days when I put on my mask, because that is what I wanted you to see. We only see in a person what we want to see, and what they want us to see. There is a whole bunch of stuff you don’t see, because they don’t want you to and we don’t want to see it either. We don’t want to know that maybe our doctor, our cops, CEO’s or President elect is a crook, dishonest, dangerous and not a nice person because we have our fantasies. It makes us scared and insecure to know that maybe we are putting our trust in the wrong people. We have the lies we tell ourselves because it makes us feel better. It makes us uneasy to know that these people are just like everyone else. Some are good and some are bad.
Sooooooo true!!!!!!
The real un-talked about issue is while we hide we destroy ourselves – we implode. I was imploding that is why I started this site and I would bet you did too. You said yesterday you were going about things methodically, best thing you can possibly do. My decision to open up was very deliberate, I was about to kill myself and I refused to leave this world without revealing my truth. My issue about doing this has more to do with my difficulty in expressing myself in the written word. Completely unlike my verbal skills. My verbal skills are very good and has become part of my “mask”. This has been a huge challenge for me, and very scary, but I am nevertheless glad for it and hope you are too.
It is very admirable that you starting writing while facing such a scary situation. you were down in the trenches and fought to get out. It truly will destroy a person to keep silent. I did start my blog to break all silences. I started with the abuse and then went on from there to discuss topics that we are often told not to discuss. The biggest challenge for me is to speak it. Writing it was my first step. Setting boundaries and speaking them is the most challenging for me.
Thank you for revealing your truth!
Thank you honey girl!