After my mother killed herself I think I just froze. It has taken me a lifetime to unravel what has happened to me.
I was abused and molested and left to care for myself at age 13. And by those same people who were supposed to love and protect me turned on me and bad mouthed me, humiliated me and drove me into further isolation.
In 2007 I made contact once again with my mother, expecting that she would reject me once again. This time she did not. However, we slowly and carefully reunited and re-built a good relationship. It was obvious to me that my mother’s step-children did not want this to take place and started to do things to undermine our growing re-connection. At no point did they attempt to support this reunion, except for my mother’s husband (their father) Dr. Bob. Although he was not in any way responsible for our reunion the HOUSTON CLAN swore in court that it was Dr. Bob had facilitated our reunion. That is a complete lie.
After decades of hard work on myself I reentered my mothers life and after a very long absence from seeing one another at all, because I felt I was strong enough and mature enough to make the decision to not allow any confrontation and upset to happen ever again. I knew that likely she would talk about what had happened to her vis-a-vis my father and brothers behavior toward her but was sure she would not want to hear me. I settled on never bringing anything up and never did. If we talked about the past it was on her instigation.
When her step-children launched a fight to get my mother’s money from her, and using me as their tool and scapegoat I was shocked. Most of the time I had no idea what they were talking about. They made up the most extraordinary stories. It devastated me. But my job, as far as I was concerned, was to take care of my mother. The case called HOUSTON versus HOUSTON was between my mother and her step-children and although I was used and abused to get the money I was unable to defend myself. I listened to what they had to say and read document after document of lies and was unable to do anything about it. So when my mother died I just imploded. I literally collapsed. All the pain of those few years just took me out.
All I have wanted over the last 3 years is die. I have thought about it every single day. I have no idea why or how this happened and it has only been since I launched this site and my google+ page that I have slowly started to learn. It is thanks to the internet and all my fellow blogger that I have learnt what narcissists/sociopaths can do to a life. What these people have done to my life. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I not been the victim of such terrible abuse by my family and extended family.
I am very tired now and although I feel I am, at long last, seeing all the pieces fit together I find no comfort. People say just leave the past behind. Oh, I so wish I could. I know nothing will change. It is what it is. Where do I put all this information. I am 50+ it feels too late for me to build a happy life, I don’t think it is possible.
I wish I could find a way of forgiving the HOUSTON CLAN for their ignorance, selfishness and greed but I just don’t know that I can. The repercussions to their greed did such extraordinary damage that can never be taken back. I know that “karma” will take care of them. They have grown children so when they are fragile and old (not too far away) perhaps they will need to worry about the lessons they have taught them.