I don’t like showing my feelings to people who don’t value them. I am a very emotional person. Nothing I write can compare to what is in my mind. I notice when I am wrong and will admit it and do everything I can to put it right. I have biases but am conscious of the destructiveness and work diligently to eradicate them. I have huge gratitude for a kind word, a penny in my pocket, food on my table, and all the opportunities and people who have uplifted me. I like to keep my emotions in perspective and use reason and logic to keep me in balance. I don’t ignore my emotions but often times keep them to myself. I am a highly empathic person but it will derail me if I don’t contain them, so I hide until I am in a safe place. I was abused, raped, molested and deserted very young and learnt that showing my feelings made me too vulnerable on the streets so I didn’t. I learnt when I showed my feelings to my family I just got hurt more, so I stopped doing it. The older I have gotten and the more I have learnt the more I have realized how little I know. I reject arrogance and prefer to remain humble in my heart. It does not always show. Sometimes I have hidden for long periods of time and have been judged and misunderstood for doing that, in fact have been accused of being non-feeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. My feelings bring me a lot of pain but I do not ignore them. I channel my pain into SPEAKING UP for others and listening to their pain, holding their hand and looking into their eyes – they know I have been there. For those who think I am unfeeling are just reflecting their own inability to connect to themselves. My challenge is to speak my pain; that is why I have taken to the internet.
I can relate. I grew up in poverty with an emotionally abusive sociopathic mother, I’ve been molested, raped, and even spent 8 years in an abusive marriage. We’ve lived different struggles, but cheers to solidarity in speaking out against abuse. Sending you love, support, and well wishes. ❤
Thank you so much for your kind and generous message to me. Since I started my blog I have truly come to realize how many people have suffered stories not too different from ours. The faces and places are different but the pain of abuse that follows us through our lives is the same. Cheers to solidarity my dear friend.