LOUISE FOWLER SPEAKS UP

I don’t like showing my feelings to people who don’t value them. I am a very emotional person. Nothing I write can compare to what is in my mind. I notice when I am wrong and will admit it and do everything I can to put it right. I have biases but am conscious of the destructiveness and work diligently to eradicate them. I have huge gratitude for a kind word, a penny in my pocket, food on my table, and all the opportunities and people who have uplifted me. I like to keep my emotions in perspective and use reason and logic to keep me in balance. I don’t ignore my emotions but often times keep them to myself. I am a highly empathic person but it will derail me if I don’t contain them, so I hide until I am in a safe place. I was abused, raped, molested and deserted very young and learnt that showing my feelings made me too vulnerable on the streets so I didn’t. I learnt when I showed my feelings to my family I just got hurt more, so I stopped doing it. The older I have gotten and the more I have learnt the more I have realized how little I know. I reject arrogance and prefer to remain humble in my heart. It does not always show. Sometimes I have hidden for long periods of time and have been judged and misunderstood for doing that, in fact have been accused of being non-feeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. My feelings bring me a lot of pain but I do not ignore them. I channel my pain into SPEAKING UP for others and listening to their pain, holding their hand and looking into their eyes – they know I have been there. For those who think I am unfeeling are just reflecting their own inability to connect to themselves. My challenge is to speak my pain; that is why I have taken to the internet.