The pendulum must swing from one extreme to another to find the happy medium. The place where life works for you. I have seen both ends now I am getting a sense where the “sweet spot” is.
I know what is happening to me right now is the pendulum swinging. I am going from hitting the ground wanting desperately to leave this world. Now I am looking forward to a new life. It’s not that simple.
That’s not what is really going on. In order to get the job done and get me into a healthier place I need to get out of my emotions and let my brain do some work. Logic is where I need to go right now. It is what will get the “reboot” of my life on tract. If I continue to let my emotions do all the work, well, nothing will get done. In fact it will run me further into the ground.
I am a little street urchin in some ways, the instinct is sharp as a tack, coupled with logic, it’s what has kept me alive before, it will rise me up again. Nothing wrong with emotions, I have them in abundance but sometimes they can trip you up. The thing about your instincts they will help you find that “sweet spot”.
I have chronic PTSD, that is not going to magically go away, so I am not going to even try. But what I will do is acknowledge it and make different choices. I am looking for some peace and to be healthier in every way.
We are always looking for the cure. There isn’t any cure for the sadness I feel. You can’t get yourself unraped, you can’t pretend that abuse didn’t happen to you, you can’t pretend you were not the “forgotten child”, but I think you can “accept”. That is what I will do.