How much do I tell you?
I was a good girl stuck in an unfortunate position. How did I cope, what did I do?
I was a little girl born to please. I thought about others before myself. I was polite and well-mannered. Never would I have ever believed I would find myself in such a dangerous, confusing and adult world. So young, so fresh, and apparently so appealing at an age before consent, to men and women.
I came from an abusive home so I lost my virginity very young but I stayed optimistic and quiet frankly I didn’t know better. What do you do and where do you go? I endured. I was relieved when sent to boarding school to find out that some of the older girls liked little girls too; pretty little blond girls so fresh and sweet. I learnt what the mouth and the hand can do amongst the avocado trees.
I liked it, I didn’t like it, I was confused. Albeit it was not unfamiliar to me. my female cousin showed me, at age 7, what the hand can do. It felt nice and that confused me more.
After leaving boarding school in South Africa we came to Canada. My father was from London Ontario Canada but had traveled to South Africa where he met my mother. He wanted to return to Canada so we did.
At this point I was beginning to break down. This vulnerable child was now in the hands of a man and brother who did not know where the boundaries were or more than likely didn’t care and felt it their right.
Strap me up and tie me down – Louise be quiet, Louise stop talking, Louse what is wrong with you, Louise do as you are told, Louise shut-up. She is mentally ill you know, she doesn’t know what she is talking about.
At just under age 14 I walked out the door never ever to go back. My mother stood at the door and watched me leave. She said to me something I have never ever forgotten in all its dimensions. “Louise, you know if you walk out now you will never be able to come back?”. I believed her. I didn’t.
I had no idea what was ahead of me, not a clue.
You say, why didn’t know. I guess I thought it was just my family.
From the time we came to Canada and until I left my father used to take me to the men’s private lounge at the Zanzibar Strip Club and tell me to sit on men’s laps. I could feel their hard cock between my legs. I remember looking at my father while he just watched.
I realized pretty quickly that this is what men liked to do to me.
One day a woman befriended me. I realized later what she was. The “Strap you down and tie you up” lady. She invited me to a private men’s exclusive rich man’s club. Two well-known celebrities of the day took me somewhere, I don’t know where it was, and strapped me down and played with me for hours.
I cried and cried and cried until there wasn’t any tears left.
I got paid $1,000.00 and that was the beginning of a new life for me.
