Yesterday was father’s day. I deliberately didn’t make mention of my father on a day celebrating fathers. But I have something very important to say now.
I have forgiven him. I wont pretend, I wont lie, but we made our peace and I will honor that. I wont make him look like a saint, I wont damn him to hell but he was my father and I loved him. He was a big part of my history so he will be mentioned but from a place of truth not hate. I held his hand in the ambulance while we took him to hospice where he died (at 91) a few days later. In the last years of his life he tried. He tried to understand and to change, but, some cuts are too deep and, in this case, I can forgive but not forget.
Unfortunately I didn’t contact my father at all this father’s day. I didn’t even contact him for his birthday. For reasons that may be explained in later posts I just feel very separated from him and I don’t mind. I practice forgiveness in my life but at the same time I’m not so sure if I can even consider him families at this point. It was my stepmother, not him, that made the push to help me out when I needed a place to live. He wouldn’t help me out when I was struggling. His way of helping me out was to give me only a little, when he’s taking vacations, fixing his new house and buying things that he supposedly “cannot afford.” It may sound a little childish of me to say that I needed help with some funds and a place to live but yes, I survived without his help. Thankfully, my boyfriend and his family have been the most loving and supportive of everything in my life. My Mom has also scraped the bottom of her barrel as she does not have much to give at all but has helped me so much. I cannot say the same for my father. So for now, I feel no need to contact him as I felt that being a part of his life was only bringing me down. I stand on two feet because of the help from others and not him. I am where I am today because of the people mentioned above. For that, I am grateful to them and truly know who is in my corner.
Thank you for this your story. Forgiveness is for you. But forgiveness is a very very hard thing to do. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be around him. I kept away as much as I could because it was healthier for me. I have not forgiven my brother and the HOUSTON CLAN, and I don’t know whether I can or not. What I found was the older my parents became and the more help they needed the more they realized that “maybe they don’t deserve it”. I, don’t expect others to as well but I decided I could be better than my parents and be there at the end and help them even though they didn’t help me. Bottom line – you must take care of yourself first, if you don’t you will be no good to you or anyone else. These are the kinds of issues we can learn from and take those lessons to others if they wish to learn from them. You are a good girl and it will pay off for you as you proceed with your holistic work. Talk soon; anytime you want.