yes, I know…..
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
Gaslighting is the attempt of one person to overwrite another person’s reality.
“Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting his or her own memory and perceptions. Gaslighting is an insidious form of abuse. It makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of anything. Gaslighting makes it very likely that victims will believe whatever their abusers tell them regardless as to their own experience of the situation. Gaslighting often precedes other types of emotional and physical abuse because the victim of gaslighting is more likely to remain in other abusive situations as well.
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 British play “Gas Light” wherein a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy using a variety of tricks causing her to question her own perceptions and sanity. Gas Light was made into a movie both in 1940 and 1944.” from Healthy Place.
PLEASE STOP SHAMING THE VICTIM
This one is very close to me. I know this one to the depths of my soul. I have been shamed, blamed, embarrassed and humiliated by ignorant people who will not take responsibility for their own actions. What is interesting about the “president elect” is he is showing this to the world, we can see how these people, the “blamers” work, They are deflecting accountability. There is nothing worse or more dangerous than a person who has lots to hide and who insists on controlling everything. When they can no longer do that and keep everyone quiet they go on the attack. I know, believe me, I am the victim. My name is VICTIM. i am not a crazy person, I am not a lying person, I am not a narcissist. I am a victim. If you can’t be accountable and you wont speak that truth *point your finger* I have had those kind of fingers pointed at me all my life by narcissists and sociopaths. I can only imagine how angry they must be with me right now. SHUT UP LOUISE! I say back “point that finger.
The amount of shaming and humiliation I have gone through in my life as a result of narcissists and other ignorant people blaming me for the crimes perpetrated on me is shocking. The piling up of abuse to shut the victim up is beyond my comprehension.
“Blame is a Defense Against Powerlessness
Betrayal trauma changes you. You have endured a life-altering shock, and are likely living with PTSD symptoms— hypervigilance, flashbacks and bewilderment—with broken trust, with the inability to cope with many situations, and with the complete shut down of parts of your mind, including your ability to focus and regulate your emotions.
Nevertheless, if you are unable to recognize the higher purpose in your pain, to forgive and forget and move on, you clearly have chosen to be addicted to your pain and must enjoy playing the victim.
And the worst is, we are only too ready to agree with this assessment! Trauma victims commonly blame themselves. Blaming oneself for the shame of being a victim is recognized by trauma specialists as a defense against the extreme powerlessness we feel in the wake of a traumatic event. Self-blame continues the illusion of control shock destroys, but prevents us from the necessary working through of the traumatic feelings and memories to heal and recover.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis
I know those “flying monkeys” now. I have lived so much of my life not understanding what was going on around me. Why am I being run down, abused, lied about, ignored, isolated, used as scapegoat to find out “all” the truth now in my middle age+ time of my life. I feel like my life has been wasted and used by these evil people, the narcissists of my family and extended family who elicited the support of the weak and vulnerable, like my mother, to bid their will. In the last 5 years of my mother’s life we figured it all out and it pissed of Dr. James and his little gang of “flying monkeys”.
“Attitude Is Everything
We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. In New Age crowds here on the West Coast, where your attitude is considered the sole determinant of the impact an event has on you, it gets even worse.In these New Thought circles, no matter what happens to you, it is assumed that you have created your own reality. Not only have you chosen the event, no matter how horrible, for your personal growth. You also chose how you interpret what happened—as if there are no interpersonal facts, only interpretations.
The upshot of this perspective is that your suffering would vanish if only you adopted a more evolved perspective and stopped feeling aggrieved. I was often kindly reminded (and believed it myself), “there are no victims.” How can you be a victim when you are responsible for your circumstances?
When you most need validation and support to get through the worst pain of your life, to be confronted with the well-meaning, but quasi-religious fervor of these insidious half-truths can be deeply demoralizing. This kind of advice feeds guilt and shame, inhibits grieving, encourages grandiosity and can drive you to be alone to shield your vulnerability.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis